Dear Readers,
I'm not exactly certain how most blogs begin, as I've never written one before. In fact, this is my very first blog post, and I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about how to start. At first, I thought I could just jump right into it without an introduction, but something about that felt like I wasn't really addressing anyone. In my own journaling, I always like to begin with "Dear Universe..." because it gives me the feeling that there is an audience listening to whatever it is I have to say that day. And if there is an audience, perhaps someday there will be a response. I hope that with each blog post, I receive at least a single response. Because if even one person connects with something I've written, then I know I've made an impact.
So, let's begin.
My name is Anna Lipkin. I'm a licensed professional counselor (LPC), and I have a bachelor's degree in finance. I'm originally from Connecticut and moved to Austin in 2020, during the pandemic.
In 2013, I was diagnosed with my first autoimmune disease, Hashimoto's thyroiditis. In 2016, my entire life was turned upside down by a series of debilitating, unexplained symptoms. And in 2019, I was diagnosed with my second autoimmune disease, Crohn's.
I have suffered for many years. Honestly, I don't even know where to begin describing the ways in which I've suffered, because I simply cannot think of a way that I haven't. From debilitating pain and extreme anxiety to complete hopelessness. From losing almost every sense of who I was to spending obscene amounts of money searching for "healing." From getting on the floor and begging for help just so I could get an ounce of sleep to waking up with a new physical symptom every single day for over three years.
I don't share this for sympathy, nor do I want anyone to think these circumstances define me. Quite the contrary. I share this because I want you to know that I understand what it means to suffer. Truly, to the depths of my core, and somewhere even deeper than I ever thought possible, I have suffered.
So why am I using the word suffered in the past tense?
Because despite still living with two autoimmune diseases and a whole host of other mysterious symptoms that I navigate on a fairly regular basis, I no longer suffer. I know that's a bold statement. But it's true.
The saying, "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional," often associated with Buddhist philosophy, used to haunt me. I could never quite understand it. How could I possibly not suffer when I was in so much pain? It wasn't until I began looking inward, rather than spending all my energy trying to fix what was happening to me, that I started to understand what those words really meant.
I began a journey of getting to know myself. And I don't mean just getting to know the good parts, the fluffy stuff on the surface, or the parts of ourselves we're comfortable exploring. Nope. I got to know every single nook and cranny of my mind, body, and soul.
Through somatic work, spirituality, parts work, and surrendering to a higher power, I began to dig deeper into myself. And the deeper I went, the more I discovered. The more I dug, the more emotions I began to experience. The more I dug, the more compassion I developed for every single being on this planet. The more I dug, the more I recognized that the painful, darker parts of myself were just as deserving of love as the bright and happy ones.
The more I dug, the more I realized that there is nothing stronger than the bond between me and my soul. The more I dug, the more I realized that I am, and always have been, and always will be, love. And perhaps most importantly, the more I dug, the more I realized that I am not broken. I had simply become so disconnected from my authentic self, from my true and infinite being, that I hadn't even realized I was living my life encapsulated by a cloud of fear.
As my journey of inner knowing continued, I began to recognize something else. After years of hiding behind that cloud of fear, I had become so consumed with trying to heal myself that I had never stopped to question my entire perspective. What if my approach was wrong? What if I wasn't on this challenging journey to heal myself, but rather to find myself? That one realization changed everything for me.
Do I still experience pain? Yes. Do I still have two autoimmune diseases? Yes. Do I love myself unconditionally? Yes. Am I unapologetically authentic in my close relationships? Yes. Have I found myself through this difficult journey? Yes. And despite all of it, do I suffer? No, I don't.
And that, my dear readers, is the reason I do what I do and why I started EquilibriOM.
Anxiety, pain, illness, and overwhelm do not have to equal suffering. I am living proof of that, and I am committed to sharing what I've learned with others who are navigating their own difficult journeys. I don't claim to be able to heal anyone, nor do I promise that your autoimmune disease, anxiety, or whatever it may be will never surface in your body again. What I do believe is that you can learn the language of your body, reconnect with yourself, and remain rooted in unconditional love despite the roller coaster of life. And that is something I would love to help you discover.
And that, my dear readers, is one of the greatest gifts of all. To be rooted in yourself. To know yourself. To love yourself. To know that, regardless of what life throws your way, you have a place within yourself that you can always return to.
That's what I believe a regulated mind, body, and soul is all about. Not a life without pain, uncertainty, or difficult experiences, but a life in which those experiences no longer have the power to disconnect you from your sense of self, your inner knowing, and the love that exists within you.
I hope that through EquilibriOM, I can help you discover that for yourself. Not by telling you who to be or promising to take away your pain, but by creating a space for you to explore, understand, and reconnect with the deepest parts of yourself.
I've walked this path myself, and I'd be honored to walk it with you.
With love,
Anna